proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You smell like stripper and shame
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
