Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
