I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
