Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
