playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i may or may not be watching the land before time
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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