The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize