Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
