i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
this just has baby written all over it
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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