she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I supernannyed him into submission
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
