I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
