too bad you live with your parents still
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
