What a fucking waste of an outfit
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Nicole vs. Life
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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