dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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