hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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