Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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