Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
