Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
