Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
