i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
