I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
