Are we in a gay sports bar?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
