just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
tell me about the fingering
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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