Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
