i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
