Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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