just come out here and I will go home with you...
he wants to bone in the snuggie
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
