I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize