i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
