But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
