I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize