well I can't set my house on fire every night
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Less talking, more tequila
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
