It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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