You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i already hear my dad disowning me
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
