i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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