You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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