there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
