I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
and she was petting her beer can
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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