Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
