is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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