i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
