She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
