The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
