Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
