We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
