I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
