Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
