closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
