whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize