i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
