Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Randomize
