Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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