I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize