i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
whose parrot is this?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
