I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
