ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
