i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
