I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
