Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize