Why are handjobs necessary in class?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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