remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
