I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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