Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
