I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
