I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
