I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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