I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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