I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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