Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize