Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
