me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
