I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
