Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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