Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
