when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize