Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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