fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
