my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Operation Purity has been aborted
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
