If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize