God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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