I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
