Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I can text with my tongue
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
