Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
