The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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