Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
