Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
