As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I need to calm my uterus...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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