hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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