Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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