If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
