my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
