He told me they were just razor bumps!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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