I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Is it because I queefed?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
