Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
