Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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