matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
