Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
