the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
