oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
