dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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