wanna go halves on a baby?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
