we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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