I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
