i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize