You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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